‘When we lift our children away from safe risks, or support their avoidance of the things that make them feel anxious, we send a very subtle message that we don ‘t believe in their capacity to be brave, or to do hard things. We (unintentionally) align ourselves with their anxiety and confirm that avoidance is the best idea.’ ~Karen young www.heysigmund.com
As much as I wanted to, we didn’t leave the music class today. Nate was crying as he tried to make sense of all the new sounds, voices, smells…I had tears in my eyes because it’s these moments when all my fears for him get triggered. It’s so much easier to stay home in our cozy nest. But this quote and the idea of resilience kept coming into my mind. I know resilience isn’t an accident. It’s cultivated gently over time. It’s why when we got home (and after I had a small meltdown—because it’s tiring being brave for these special beings some days)—we put the music from the class on in the background and played. I know he can learn to feel safe in the welcoming space of this class. But we need to do it bit by bit. I know small courageous moments will add up to a confident, resilient boy. But his parents have to be a little brave and keep showing up in new situations. I know it’s just a music class but it represents so much more for me. Since becoming Nate’s mom, when I see parents out and about with their special needs kids, I give them a mental high five and hold in my heart the extra energy and courage it takes to be out in the world. And I know in my heart how blessed they are—we all are—to have these little teachers show up in our lives to remind us about kindness, belonging, joy, and love.
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